girl from the north country

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:07:25 GMT

why is it that i can only feel good about myself when i'm high?

mess

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:35:18 GMT

the frontal lobe of the brain - yeah, wish i didn't have one of those right now. i'm reading this book called Stumbling on Happiness and basically it's about how our mind works and why we think the way we do and blahblahblah. in this book it talks about the frontal lobe a little bit and how it's use is connected with planning. people with damaged frontal lobes don't have the ability to plan ahead and pretty much take every day as it comes. right now that would work to my advantage. usually when i plan ahead things don't go my way and if i didn't have a frontal lobe right now i might be able to sleep at night. hmm, now that i'm really thinking about it maybe i do like having one afterall.. whatever. i don't know what i'm thinking anymore.

briefly, i just want my shit back from feddy. i want the money that is owed to me and i want my things and then i want him out of my life forever. he's out of my life right now but with him having my things and me having his, he's still kind of there somehow. i want him out of my head and i never want to think about him again. i hate the dreams i'm having lately because they involve him in some sort of way and i hate how they wake me up at night. i hate how i still think about him, especially when he's the last thought in my head at night and the first thought in the morning. i'm really tired of waking up in a bad mood brought on by thoughts of him and our relationship. i hate how i feel guilty when i think about moving on so quickly. i hate how i can't even look at another guy without thinking angry thoughts. it bothers me that he still has me and i never really had him. i hate how he had to be the first person i fell in love with. i hate how after all of this he's just made me feel like shit about our relationship.

in november a very close friend to the family, my dad's best friend since he was 10 to be exact, was involved in a horrible accident. he was drunk and had a stroke and went through a guardrail where he hit a tree sideways. he was in the hospital for two months hooked up to feeding tubes and a respirator because he broke all the ribs on one side of his body and most of the ones on the left. he had a collapsed lung and broken bones in his right arm. he's really lucky to be alive. now, two months later he's recovering in a rehabilitation center. he doesn't remember where his house is or what it looks like, even though he was there while it was being built. he can't tell you what simple things are such as a key or a phone. he remembers things relevant to his job and construction tools. my family and i visited him in the hospital on one of his bad days and it hit me just then how serious this was. he'll never be the same. he probably won't ever see out of his eye again. it bothers me thinking what camping will be like this year, if he can even go. a man going from being able to walk on his hands for a mile to not even being able to write a letter on a piece of paper really disturbs me. and through all of this i was more worried about myself and what was going on with me than what was going on with him. this upsets me even more.

i wish i could gain control of my thinking patterns and my emotions and everything else you should be in control of. i think i'd be a much happier person.

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 08:00:30 GMT

2007 is just around the corner and there is definitely a lot of changing that needs to occur within me so i can be happy or atleast satisfied with my life.

resolutions: (i'm aiming to keep atleast 5)
+ be happy
+ have more control of my emotions
+ have a more stable mind
+ think positively & enjoy what's good in life
+ not take everything/life so seriously
+ not to take everything to the heart
+ relax & live life to the fullest
+ meet new people & make new friends
+ open up to people i'm not familiar with
+ learn what i need and don't need
+ let go of the things/people that bring me down
+ focus more on school work and less on what i'll do tonight
+ figure out what i really want to do with my life
+ not take the easy way out

it's amazing how much changes in a year and how people and emotions change. thinking of how much i've changed over the past year and then thinking about how i've changed since i was a kid makes my heart hurt. the way people treat each other makes my heart hurt too.

i have to write my essay for pace and send them my transcript before spring semester.

happy new year.

i suck at life

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 05:37:56 GMT

i think i suffer from severe depression.. or it could just be the pill.. but whatever it is it needs to stop. i'm sad about anything, everything, and nothing at the same time. i start crying for no reason and out of the blue. i can't have a good time anymore without worrying about something else. when was the last time i actually had a good time? i can't remember. i pretend i'm happy all the time but i'm the complete opposite. i have nothing really to be sad about, but i am. i wake up most days thinking about going somewhere and not coming back. i'm tired of the same routine and the same people. there has to be something more than this. i hate how i look anymore. i refuse to see a therapist or anyone else for that matter that i have to pay for them to tell me what i already know and not solve anything. i know what i have to do i just don't know how to do it. i'm 20 years old. i want to start living like i'm 20 and not like i'm 16. i hate relying on my boyfriend to hang out with me all the time because no one else will, and then getting mad when he makes plans with his friends who he never sees. i hate how i always give and hardly ever get.

my dad's best friend is in the hospital in Scranton suffering from a punchered lung and broken ribs. he was involved in a car accident a week ago today where he swirved from hitting a deer and went through a guardrail and hit a tree. at the time they thought he was heavily intoxicated, but now they're thinking he had a stroke. he may have lost vision in his right eye. they're keeping him under anaesthsia for about a week or so until he can handle the excruciating pain. my whole family has been crazy all week worrying about him and everyday i pray for him to get better. i can't picture the world without him.

on a happier note.. bob dylan makes me happy. i applied to pace.

the trap i set for you seems to have caught my leg instead.

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 05:32:34 GMT

it's such a let down when you can't get the one thing you really want out of life. all my life i've been told i can't do things because either i'm not good enough, it's too expensive, or because everyone thinks i won't be able to go through with it. when i was a kid all i wanted to do was play baseball, but i couldn't obviously because i'm not a guy. i learned at an early age that i probably won't reach the things i strive for. i guess i'm a little pessimistic and stupid for thinking that i could actually play in a major league baseball team. but then again every little kid has those big dreams of who they want to be when they grow up.. whether it be a firefighter or a baseball player, most parents encourage their children.

senior year of high school i was so confused about what i wanted to do with my life (i still am to this day) that i didn't even apply to any colleges. i put everything off figuring i probably wouldn't get in anywhere anyway since my grades weren't so great. i regret all four years at high school. it was a joke. everything i learned there i just learned again at brookdale and the teachers there explained it better. whatever. i don't even know where i'm going with this anymore.

i went to visit

Pace University's main building.

an apple outside the main building.. i think it has the brooklyn bridge painted on it?

city hall.. across the street from the main building.. this is where they film most of law & order.

Ground Zero is within 5 mins walking distance from Pace.

Ground Zero again.

self-explanitory.

an old tree stump. the tree was knocked down by debris from one of the wtc buildings. you can actually still see the pipe at the bottom.

an old cemetary at St. Paul's Chapel. you can't even read the names on the tombstones anymore!

a fountain in city hall park.

the street where they film law & order!
today in NYC. it really is my dream school. it's in the middle of everything and i can't explain how at home i felt. hopefully i'll be graduating with my AA from brookdale in the spring. i'm changing my major to public relations since let's face it, i really have no interest in tv & radio, and that's the only communications option i have at brookdale. i only need about five or six more classes to graduate anyway.. i'll probably take one or two classes during winter break so i don't have to take any summer classes or go bizurk in the spring. if i get into this school and find a way to pay for it so many opportunities will come to me. this is like the beginning of big things, i hope. i'll have to wait it out for now i guess.

on another note.. everything else is going pretty good i guess. it's getting so cold out and my mom just put the heat on tonight. i need to do my photography assignments and write my paper. i'm so behind in school it's not even funny. ahh.

summer.

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 05:15:53 GMT

so sunday i turned 20. my parents bought me yankees tickets.. tier box MVP seats behind home plate for sept. 14th against the tampa bay devil rays. should be an easy win but you never know with baseball. they also got me an andy phillips jersey which should be shipping out of the mlb shop warehouse any day now. i can't wait to wear it! my brother got me a charcoal drawing of bob dylan.. a perfect fit for my dylan wall. feddy bought me the prettiest flowers and probably the best card i've ever gotten. i love him so much! i also got $$$ and that's about it. i didn't really do anything sunday. i stayed home and watched the yankee game with my boy and the fam and picked my brother up from my cousin's house in SP.

now that i'm 20 my health is starting to fall apart, kinda. i went to the doctor for a check up last week and he informed me i lost 10 lbs in one year and 5 lbs in three months. this is weird considering i only try to gain weight, not lose it. so he gave me a referral to get blood work done. i went on friday and the doctor called yesterday with the results. it's possible that i could have a hyperactive thyroid, which is what is causing me to lose weight. it also could just be that i don't eat enough cause i'm so busy running around everywhere. i hardly have time to sit down and eat a whole meal. so now i'm demanded to sit and eat and take vitamins and drink orange juice on a daily basis. i have to go back for more blood work in three weeks to see if any progress has been made. hopefully it will by that time and i have nothing to worry about.

i also got a mole removed from my toe about a month ago. the dermatologist called my mom today at work and told her i have an "odd mole." what that is i have no idea. but basically she wants me to see a surgeon and get my toe looked at deeper or something? if you ask me they just want all the money they can get out of me.

what a way to ring in being 20.. happy birthday kate, you're falling apart.

this summer sucks pretty much. i haven't seen any of my friends.. erica once and alex bussey once and big john studd maybe two times. i think that's pretty much it though. i went to the beach once and got no color with no sunscreen on for a decent amount of time. i work five days a week, seven hours a day, and by the time i get home i really don't feel like doing anything. i play video games with my boy and chill and his friend's house. i don't really mind but whatever.

the only thing that keeps me happy nowadays are the yankees. not even music anymore, it just kinda makes me depressed. but baseball, it makes me so happy. i don't know why but when i'm watching a yankees game, no matter if they're winning or losing, there's always a smile on my face. i squeek when andy phillips comes up to bat and when he makes a play or even when they put the cameras on him. there's a huge smile on my face everytime i hear how well alfonso soriano is doing. it makes me proud to say that i knew him way back when everyone thought he didn't deserve to be a yankee. i'm glad that he's doing just as good, or even better than a-rod. i knew it all along and people are finally starting to see it. he's the most sought after player in baseball right now and i couldn't be happier about it. watching yankee games just makes me want to be a sports journalist again. it's what i've wanted since i was a kid, after my parents told me i wouldn't be able to play in the MLB cause i was a girl. it's good to be back in baseball. i have andy phillips to thank for that. if it wasn't for him i'd still be a bitter soriano loving a-rod hating baseball boycott-er. don't get me wrong i still love soriano and hate a-rod but atleast i'm back in baseball and I LOVE IT!

improvement.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 05:18:59 GMT

a few things i need to improve about myself...

+ loosen up a bit
+ keep my mouth shut about certain things (especially things that aren't a big deal)
+ not get so upset over silly things
+ learn how to be more patient especially with other people
+ not be so closeminded about certain things

and so much more that i can't think of right now.

hi.

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 02:39:11 GMT

life's been crazy. two weeks ago my boyfriend and i were involved in a pretty bad car accident. luckily, everyone is okay but it was still pretty bad. his car is totalled and we were both taken to robert wood johnson hospital in new brunswick. both of us were x-rayed and left with chest pains from the seatbelts and bruises.
last week was spring break and it was alright. i only worked one day so that was cool. time was spent lounging around with the boyfriend, going to court, renting movies, cleaning our bedrooms, having an allergy attack/cold, and going into the city with my mom and nanny. unfortunately there was no drinking for me on st. patty's day because i was sick and that makes me sad =( st. patty's day was spent sleeping, working, and more sleeping. sunday i went into the city to go to the lower east side tenement museum for a paper i had to write for sociology. we got there too early for the tour so we hung out for a little at the gift shop where i found a gangsta rap coloring book and slang flashcards which included 'wanksta.' it was kinda cold in the city and i forgot my gloves so i bought a pair from a black guy who couldn't talk, just moan. i love the city. we walked over to broadway to go to urban outfitters, which was a mad house. i left empty handed cause i couldn't even move around the store to look at anything without someone pushing into me. that store is too expensive anyway.

monday i got my world civilizations test back for unit 1 and i got an 82 on the multiple choice and 100 on both essays. personally, i thought my essays sucked and i could have done way better, but i just proved to myself that i've still got it. after class i took a nap and took feddy and daryl to the skatepark. it was extremely cold.. which brings me to the question of when the warm weather is going to kick in. it was pretty warm today when i was leaving for class at 2:30 but when i was getting out of class at 5 it def dropped lke 10 degrees and got windy. i hate the wind =( tuesday was spent wrting my sociology paper and watching jarhead for the second time at feddy's house with his friend. jake gyllenhaal melts my heart. last night feddy and i went to freehold mall to go shopping and i bought a new purse and wallet from pacsun. his birthday is coming up in april so we went over to dick's and i bought him a new skateboard as an early birthday present. he said he'll start skating it on his birthday. then we went to daryl's house and i watched them play GTA: San Andreas, i think, and we watched a little of dawn of the dead. then feddy and i went back to his house. today i had math class which i had to stay after for to work on a project which is due tuesday. our second test is next week, which means we only have one more test left which means this semester is almost over, yes!

so apparently i have this new job starting in april but i haven't gotten the chance to schedule a meeting with jeff yet. last time we had a meeting scheduled i couldn't go cause i was still sore from the car accident. now i just keep forgetting to call him to let him know when i'm free. basically i'm going to be doing the same thing i'm doing at staples but i'll be getting paid more and i'll be working for a private company, which means no more customers in my face all the time. i could also apply for an internship with my dad's company, but i'd be working out of nyc for spectrum magazine. i don't think i want to do that after telling jeff i'd work with him.

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 19:18:13 GMT

i don't know what everyone's deal is with my boyfriend and me. we're trying to have a good relationship and CHILDREN are getting between us with their petty bullshit. i realize my friends and family and everyone who cares about me is trying to protect me and no one wants to see me get hurt, but he has no intentions of hurting me whatsoever. he cares about me too and he tries to be the best person he can be for me. despite what everyone has heard about him he really is not a bad person. just because he's not who you want him to be or he doesn't fit the picture of who you think i would want to be with doesn't give you the right to think you're better than him. i know what he's done in the past but everyone seriously has to stop looking back at things he did and realize the person that he is now. he may not be mr. romantic but that's all shit we learn from movies and if you haven't noticed what happens in the movies isn't real life. he doesn't treat me like shit and he's not a horrible person that everyone makes him out to be. yes he crashed his car.. he hit a curb.. and left. he learned his lesson with that and it won't happen again. yes he has a temper but he can control it to a certain point. with most of my friends, or anyone in general for that matter, harping on him and giving him a hard time and threatening him or whatever, he goes off. and one day someone is going to do something to really set him off and he will literally go off and do something. he may only be 18 but he's been through more shit in his life than a lot of 25-30 yr olds have been through and he's mature and can handle himself. i'm repeating myself but i could really care less right now cause i'm trying to get the point across to not fuck with us, try to come between us or whatever. i don't want to lose any more of my friends and i don't want him hating anymore of my friends. so please do me a favor and just keep your comments to yourself.

driven to distraction

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 06:26:58 GMT

happy new year. my left hand just fell asleep.

on new years eve i went into the city with brendanator to see the black crowes at madison square garden. we went in early and roamed the city for a little while. the streets were pretty empty outside penn station, i guess a lot of people were at times square or just didn't want to go out since it was raining. i bought $2 glasses that say 2006 and they're green to match my jacket. krystal bought me a napoleon dynamite keychain.. and it talks.
i saw kate hudson on new years eve. she was on stage with chris robertson for the ball drop. they matched and it was cute. the black crowes played all my fav songs and we actually had to leave before they were done to catch the 1:37 (the last) train home. some dude from perth amboy got on and was rapping and asked if anyone wanted to battle him for $19. he was loud, obnoxious and annoying. i didn't drink anything on new years eve.

so i'm pretty much the only nineteen year old who has to be home by 11pm. usually my curfew is about 1-2am but lately my mom is paranoid and makes me come home at 11. and if i'm not home by that time she freaks out and tells me she's taking my car and is going to stop talking to me. this is all because people and their big mouths. it's partially my fault for trusting people, but you know after knowing someone for two and a half years you kinda open up to them and tell them things you wouldn't tell someone say you met two months ago. but anyway, shit was said to my mother about what has been going on in my life. things she didn't want to hear, things she shouldn't have heard, and now she is ms. paranoid. she needs to realize that i have a boyfriend now and i am going to spend time with him and i'm not going to be home all the time and no matter who i'd be with right now i'd probably be doing the same things with them. i really wish i could move out. i wish i had the money and the stability.. but i don't think i'd be able to live on my own right now. i can't cook anything, i freak out when i'm by myself in an empty house, it's so expensive to live on your own these days, and i'll probably fuck things up with my family. i've already pretty much done that. but seriously, people need to stop treating me like i'm 16. i know more sixteen year olds that have more freedom then me. it's sad.

i got my grades for school. two Bs, one B+, and a C in computer literacy. i laughed at that one. maybe if ms. braneky or whatever her name is knew anything about computers i'd have an A, but she's retarded and i didn't do shit for that class. i guess i deserved the C but she could've put a little more effort into teaching us shit, i don't care if it's just a second job. i wonder how she treats her "real" students.
i have to pick a fourth class for next semester otherwise i'm kicked off my mom's medical insurance. my councelor signed me up for phylosophy and political science or some shit like that. did she honestly think i would take those classes? i wanted photography...

haha rob fired isaac yesterday. that totally made my day today. tweedle dee is gone! sweet.

christmas!

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 22:39:10 GMT

merry christmas!

i pretty much got everything i wanted, but fighting with the fam pretty much ruined christmas. things were said that shouldn't have been said and yadayadayada. i hope you all had a nice one though and got everything you wanted =)

Sony Vaio S580 in black!

Bob Dylan scrapbook from 1956-1966!

CRANIUM!!! (blimster we totally need to play!)

Flannel PJ pants in this color!

Sweet down jacket from AE!

Tank tops from Old Navy!

Nicest feeling skirt ever!

Fleece hoodie!

New belt!

other stuff included underwear!, bath and shower stuff, money!, candy, perfume and body spray, and stocking stuffers!

today i had to work 7-3 and i was falling asleep just about all morning. staples should be closed the day after christmas.. hardly anyone was in the store all day. i need to sleep and i'm really bored. bye.

you've got me under your spell.

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 07:09:01 GMT

so much has happened since my last update! it's been a pretty crazy december so far and the end of november was pretty crazy too. i have a boyfriend now who i like very much. the semester is over monday and i couldn't be more excited. the past couple weeks have been difficult considering i have no motivation whatsoever to do schoolwork. i kinda lost that after thanksgiving break. last thursday brendanator and i went to NYC to pay our respects to john lennon. we missed the train going in twice but once we got there it was awesome. apparently we were on CNN and there's a picture of us on some website or something. cool. next sunday is christmas and i still haven't done any of my christmas shopping. i should probably get on that but i'm lazy and busy anddd i don't know what to get anyone. this update was really lame i'm sorry.

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 17:31:56 GMT

i like waking up and having the smell of you on my pjs.

my loss will be your gain.

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 20:38:41 GMT

i always forget where i am and where i've been.
last saturday i went to see steve play at icafe and that was good times. met a couple new people and reunited with old friends. tommy gibbler was there with his girlfriend and i talked to him for a little while. it was nice seeing him again.. last time i saw him was at staples in september when i made copies of the new album cover for him. this dylan wannabe kid played, he was good but i think he tried a little bit too hard. matt pless from maryland played and he was good, i liked his talkin' blues song. it was funny. he seemed a little off though if you know what i mean and he liked to dance around a lot. i liked his hat. steve was great except he didn't really dance, which made me kinda sad, but he was good. then another kid played after steve, i think his name was joe, he was ok but we really didn't want to stay for him cause we all have ADD.

sunday steve and i went to see socratic at obsessions in randolph. it's a really nice place, big too. we got there without getting lost, stopped at mcdonalds and stole some toys, then got to obsessions just before socratic went on. perfect timing! they had a sixth member for the night, lou, he was really good and good looking. he played guitar and kevin played his acoustic. it sounded really good! after them was daphne loves derby and i thought they were really good as well. their bassist had sweet dance moves, not as sweet as lief from a love like pi though. we talked to vinny for a little while and members of daphne loves derby and left.

boring stuff went on monday-thursday. i can't stress enough how much i hate computer science. my teacher's a fuckin idiot and none of us can understand how she got a teaching degree in COMPUTERS considering she doesn't know anything about anything. two tests on thursday and an extremely long, boring lecture is not my cup of tea.

friday morning i worked 10-6 and went to mcdonaugh's pub with my parents. i definitely wanted a beer at the bar but they wouldn't serve me hah. the food was good nonetheless and i think i have a crush on the irishman who works there. i have a thing for old guys. afterwards i went to staples to pick up kelly and meet up with brendan so we could go to the movies to see WALK THE LINE! kelly told barbara me and brendan are dating and now barbara hates me and is very jealous. i wonder what she's going to do when she finds out we're not really dating hah. so anyway, we went to the movies and met up with julie and jeff. WALK THE LINE WAS SO GOOD! i don't think i've ever been so excited for a movie in my life. i couldn't sit still throughout the whole thing and i was spazzing out like crazy. everyone around me probably thought there was something wrong with me. joaquin phoenix did an amazing job as johnny cash and reese witherspoon has a really pretty voice. i'd definitely go see it again. i want the soundtrack.

yesterday i worked 9-2 then went to SP for my uncle's 50th bday party at radolpho's. the food was good and we got lollipops that say "50 sucks." afterward we went to my uncle's house for a little afterparty. being sober around a bunch of drunk old people is definitely not fun in the slightest. my dad gave me a shot of moonshine and that was the grossest thing i've ever had in my life. the taste wouldn't leave my mouth for a good half hour. that shit is like 80% alcohol. we listened to a bob dylan cd my uncle's friend made. it was vol 2. of 14 unreleased tracks. the ONLY live version of bob doing ballad of frankie lee and judas priest is on there. jerry garcia is playing guitar. my uncle's friend followed the greatful dead around a lot and he was at the show they played this. amazing. my cousin burned me the cd and i'm listening to it now.. so good. i need to get the othe 13 volumes this guy has. last night when we got home my dad and i watched the concert for bangladesh. it's a really excellent dvd and bob dylan plays an excellent. ravi shankar and REAL indie music is fucking intense. i want a sitar.

today i'm just relaxing. i have to start studying because i have two tests tomorrow. thursday is thanksgiving(!) already. where did november go?? where did 2005 go?!?

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 05:41:46 GMT

i totally voted for weedman for NJ governor.

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 07:32:33 GMT

life has been crazy the past couple weeks or so! in a good way! last wednesday i made my informative speech on bob dylan's transition from playing acoustic to electric. it went really well except for the part when my mp3 of half acoustic/half electric forever young didn't play on my teacher's computer. my public speaking teacher is awesome i love him even though he likes to make fun of me but it's cool i forgive him. anyway, i got a 97 on my speech. sweet!

i'm trying to think of all the things i've been doing but it's so late ahh i need to go to bed!
let's see umm i was joan baez for halloween but everyone kept calling me cher! not funny. i went to a party the saturday before halloween with brendanator (he was tigger!) and drank some beers and had a good time. new friends are cool.

i worked monday-thursday this week and it was roughhh. we got a big job that came in last thursday (? i think) and it was due this tuesday night but it wasn't done. the lady kept calling and yelling at us but she wound up being ok i guess when we finally finished her order. i was at staples until 11-11:30 tuesday-thursday.

tuesday in communication we were talking about the study abroad program and mr. paul keating brought me down to the international studies center and i got a book and i'm setting up an interview soon! yay

thursday i had my computer science class and it was really stupid. we had to take a practice test for excel and i got a 47 because SAM doesn't let click anything!!! ughh pain in my ass. apparently we have a term paper due this thursday. way to be last minute, jerk.

YESTERDAY!!! i went to lehigh to visit brian and go to the show he set up. it was good times. there was no traffic going up and it was a beautiful day and the show was good. a love like pi is the greatest thing to happen since um, socratic? lief is so funny my goshhh he's a nut. definitely want to go see them at prince of peace. b-lim i really think you should come home for this show! umm after the show i played BEIRUT with rebby and tim and some weird indian dude who seriously wanted our piece. i really love lehigh. and brian too of course haha.

hmm things i've realized in the past week or two:
-luis isn't really half as bad as everyone makes him out to be.. atleast to me he's not.. then again i have to put up with isaac who is 1903890438545x worse.
-isaac is a piece of shit who looks like a tomato when he wears his red sweater. HAHA i'm cracking up thinking about it ohh man.
- I LOVE BEER!!! (even if it's cheap nasty beer i love it the same.)
- school is kicking my ass hardcore. i'm worried about some things but hopefully everything is good and i pass all my classes.
- england is realllly looking good right now.
- i miss jesse and travis kinda.
- i want a boyyy
- most of the boys i like have girlfriends haha it's so lame
- the fall is so pretty!
- i really want to travel and do road trips and stuff. i felt really good driving to and from lehigh. probably because there was hardly any traffic and it was beautifulll out.
- i love a love like pi!!!
- i love lehigh!
- i love cute boys offering me beer in nothing but a towel yesss.

cowgirl in the sand

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 03:52:09 GMT

almost two weeks ago my family and i stopped procrastinating and we got my room painted and recarpeted. i slept on the living room couch (which is just as much or more comfortable then my bed) for nine days. it's good to be back in my room again and not bumping into my wall unit going to and from the bathroom at night. we painted the walls an aqua green color. my new carpet is AWESOME and i love it and i love my dad for putting up with my indecisiveness until i found what i really wanted. we took my bed apart and threw the bottom bed out since i don't need it anymore. so now my bed is just on the frame on the floor. yesterday i started putting everything back into place in/on my dressers. everything is pretty much back in my room now except for posters, but i'm doing that tomorrow. and i have to hang curtains tomorrow too cause as of right now i don't have any. anddd i need to buy new blinds to match cause blue just isn't cutting it.

it's pretty isn't it? i thought so too.

in the midst of all this we also babysat my neighbor's cat, rosie aka squeeks aka every other name for a cat. honestly, she doesn't know her name because ted calls her so many things. she's my fav even though she's too roudy in the morning, scratching at my arms and any other body part that i may move while i sleep. she likes feet for some reason and she's just a real

other than that nothing's really been going on except school. umm yeah that's it. bye

courteous to try and help but let me set your mind at ease.

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 04:21:52 GMT

today would be my grandma's 71st birthday.. happy birthday grandma =) i miss you and love you.

school's doing alright i guess. my classes are okay overall, then again i'm not taking anything too mind strenuous.. if that even makes sense. i passed my first communications test with an 89 and my first speech test with a 72, which is good i suppose considering he told us we would probably fail. i made my first "big" speech in class on monday and it went pretty well. mr. miller said i was fun, whatever he meant by that i don't know. apparently my personality comes out when i crochet, or atleast when i talk about crocheting. i've been sick this past week and missed my second test in communications. i have to make it up tomorrow at 9:30am. i also have to make up a math test because i missed that as well. i don't know when i can make that up yet cause my teacher hasn't gotten back to me. whatever. today i had a test in computer science and it was alright i guess. i think i passed but you never know. i usually say that and then fail, hah. a really funny thing happened today in class though. the crackgirl claimed she couldn't take the test because the letters on the scantron were "moving all around the page." so she moved up to the front row and still couldn't see, so she was leaning forward and her and her desk tipped forward, almost hitting the floor. her feet stopped her before she could. i'm surprised her reflexes were that good. it was really funny and i couldn't stop laughing. it was hard to breathe. thinking about it makes me laugh just as hard. oh mannn, definitely worth going to class today just to see that.

ps: the new fiona apple cd, "extraordinary machine" is amazing. i'm so glad she put out another album. go buy it if you know what's good.

lord i miss you.

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 03:56:14 GMT

last night i went to see the stones with rob, jason, tracy and greg. i don't know what time we arrived at giant's stadium but rob came very prepared with a table, chairs, grill and even a tablecloth. we just sat around and chilled and ate some good burgers and chips. haggled some bootleg shirts from a sweaty black man- 2 for $35. we could care less about alanis morissette so we went inside about 15-20 mins before the rolling stones went on. they couldn't have chosen anyone better for this show? i mean.. in a couple of days beck is playing with them.. BECK.. why couldn't it have been him?!? anyway.. our seats were AWESOME. tracy couldn't have done a better job getting us tickets last minute for a sweet price. inside the stadium there's all these signs of like sponsors and stuff by each section. of course the section we're sitting in has to have two decent sized staples signs. tracy and i laughed and i told rob that wherever we go we can never get away. he just shook his head. so the stones.. they opened up with start me up. mick jagger was looking as sexy as ever. he came out wearing a tight black shirt, his leather pants of course, and a sparkly jacket and hat. he changed his shirts a couple times. i don't care what anyone says.. he's still sexy. i don't care if he's 62. 62, 26 still the same except wrinkles. anyway.. they played a couple new songs which were pretty good. the stage floated out to the middle of the stadium, where WE WERE SITTING (!!!), and they did a couple of songs out there. one of which was a new one and then HONKY TONK WOMEN! i was sitting next to mexicans or something. the guy next to me had really bad bo and they all had their camera phones and sidekicks and whatnot out, probably recording shit to sell or something. what made rob and me laugh was when they started taking pictures of themselves. who the fuck does that.. at a concert.. especially when the rolling stones are playing? the guys in front of us were smoking up hardcore and oh man it smelled so good. something like that will have to be in order soon. tracy was really trashed after about eight or so beers and she was dancing with greg the whole night, knocking rob over. it was good times and i can't wait until january for the madison square garden show.

today is the one year anniversary of my grandma's death. i was supposed to go to my grandpa's house in PA with my dad today but i decided last minute this morning that i didn't want to go. i wanted to sleep and i had to give tracy the money for the ticket.
i miss you grandma and i love you.. =)

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 03:30:27 GMT

SOCRATIC - LUNCH FOR THE SKY IS IN STORES TODAY! go buy it cause it's an amazing cd, every song is awesome, and there's no reason why you shouldn't buy it.

pete, i hate you for this:
List seven of your favorite songs of the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process.

1. Bob Dylan - Shooting Star
2. Socratic - We Burn Houses
3. Socratic - The Dense Indents
4. Socratic - B to E
5. The Doors - Moonlight Drive
6. Bob Dylan - With God On Our Side (from In The Pines 1961)
7. um that's all i can think of right now.

Tag Bitch!!
senses__failing
errrica
skahectic
hello_time_bomb
xtheeasykillx
trillion_sighs
_overdue

so take me on ship and we'll kiss

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 05:36:34 GMT

today i went into the city with my family. the whole purpose was to go into greenwich village and hop some dylan sites, but we were only there for a half hour tops. i brought the fam to
dylan played here a lot. when steve and i went to see roark play here back in april i saw that they had a sweet mural of famous people who have played there, including dylan. there's pictures of dylan around on the walls too.
,
i'd totally live here, not just because bob dylan did but cause it looks like a sweet little place and it's in the heart of greenwich.
, and
in the basement of this building is where bob dylan wrote "a hard rain's a-gonna fall" in 1962.
unfortunately, being in the city with my father is very difficult because he can't just stand back and take it all in, and he walks too fast. he just wanted to go to little italy to eat, so that ended our greenwich village mini-adventure. on the way out we spotted this for no direction home. our next stop was lombardi's for some AWESOME
. it was the best pizza i've ever had and i definitely recommend everyone to go there and eat. after that we went to my fav. store in soho, yellow rat bastard. i bought a really nice hoodie for $38. my mom and i went into a couple more stores but didn't really find anything .. that i could afford haha. another sort-of dylan site, this is where joe gallo was murdered, which dylan wrote a song about, "joey".
. we went to some little italy festivities but it was so crowded and so hot we decided to walk to the canal st. station to get the subway back to penn. we took the 5:07 train home and all i can say is i love new york.

school starts tuesday and i am so not ready! summer treated me so good this year and i loved it. best friends, NEW friends!, becoming closer to people i didn't talk to so much a year ago, awesome weather!, the windows down and the music up, staples every day, the beach, the oceannn, barney- my dinosaur friend at seabright, parks and playgrounds, laying in the grass, sunday nights at the X, "party hard", thursty thursday, emily's awesome drink, bacardi silver orange and all sorts of smirnoff, "staple it together", julie's awesome bug zapper, the banana, brendan's graduation party, pinatas, drinking games, seaside, silver apple surf shop, my new sunglasses, getting lost everywhere, wyckoff, pictures!, the best fireworks at john alfano's, bob dylan with willie nelson at the blueclaw's stadium, lukas nelson, the greencards, tom petty, having money stolen, my birthday!, atlantic city, the wallflowers on my bday, jakob dylan smiling at me, wildwood!!!, movies on the beach, "the big colorful sticks", CAMPING, my boys <3, lots of smoking, picnic tables =), socratic shows, greenwich village, new york, most importantly- being silly and having lots of fun with everything and everyone and everywhere, and whatever else i'm forgetting. thanks to everyone for a great summer. i did just about everything i wanted to do. i wish i could have hung out with certain people more, but i have no regrets. everything happens for a reason and shit it was still an awesome summer..

i was thinking when i graduate brookdale i'd like to study abroad in london. my mom told me the other night if i got the opportunity to go for it, and i was looking it up online and i really want to do it. i told my mom about the cost and stuff and i think her and my dad are thinking about it. i just really have to get out of this place. new jersey sucks a lot and i just want to get away from it. lately all i think about is a specific boy who maybe i like i don't know but he is so far. i miss him and i can't wait to see him/talk to him again.. hopefully before next summer. i hope he doesn't hate me for a good reason that i think he might.

the socratic cd comes out in TWO DAYS! and i am so excited. i've been listening to it non-stop and i am in love. if you haven't already, listen to the cd at www.mammothpress.com and pick it up on tuesday. it is so worth it.

gonna make it baby in our prime.

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 05:24:35 GMT

so i'm going to see the stones maybe with rob, jason and brendan at giants stadium. we're tailgating up there to scalp tickets which i'm sure will work out grrreat. haha yeah right. but yeah i'm excited anyway. today at work i was doing a binding job for one of my favorite customers, and i always feel bad cause i always tell him i'll have his job finished in like a half hour and it always takes a lot longer, so i was rushing kind of to get it finished faster. i finally got them all bound and i had to cut the excess stuff off so i of course used the binding cutters, but they weren't working all that great so i was trying to hold it all different ways so it wouldn't mess up. well, apparently my finger was a little too close one time because it got caught in the cutters and they took a chunk of skin off. brendan got me all this stuff to clean it with, WHICH BURNED, so i was jumping around all over and screaming "IT BURNS" in front of customers and everyone was laughing at me thinking i'm crazy. but thank you to brendan for saving my poor little finger and helping me out with customers. i love yaaaa buddy.

last night my uncle came up from AC to get my dad's truck because my cousin was moving into his dorm today. so we had his beamer all day, and tomorrow too until he comes to pick it up. i drove it around and OMG I LOVE IT! it rides so smooth and you can EASILY go 80 on rt. 35 and not even realize it. it's a five series though so it's a little big and more luxurious so i don't like that, but it's beautiful the same and i still want it.

also last night my dad and i had another one of our dylan sessions. we listened to biograph and it was sweet.
"... it's not about keeping up with the times, being a poet for the eighties, rock n roller for the nineties, you don't want to get trapped...you have to learn about it all and call it up when you need it. the old trades are still the most useful, can get you out of a jam. everything is crooked now and the signs all poing you the wrong way- it's like we're living at the time of the tower of babel, all our tongues are confused. ... there does come a time, though, when you have to face facts and the truth is true whether you wanna believe it or not, it doesn't need you to make it true...that lie about everybody having their own truth inside of them has done a lot of damage and made people crazy. ... people are just out parading around in disguises, wearing faces that don't let you know what they think...i'll tell you this much- when you tell somebody your dreams and hopes you better make sure they love you like a brother or your dreams and hopes probably won't come true...you got to be somewhat superstitious to survive. people like to talk about the new image of america but to me it's still the old one- marlon brando, james dean, marilyn monroe, it's not computers, cocaine and david letterman, we gotta get off that- hedy lamarr, dorothy dandridge, that's my idea of america.....and who's improved on it? some phoney imaginary soldier can kill a hundred thousand people in a foreign country of his own mind but it's a fantasy and it doesn't stick. ... god is stil the judge and the devil still rules the world so what's different? no matter how big you think you are history is gonna roll over you."

crossroads, seem to come and go, yeah.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 05:28:04 GMT

there's nothing really to update about since i haven't done anything except work since camping. last sunday my mom had a little get together i guess you'd call it with her cousin and the fam and some neighbors stopped by. she bought me alcohol for buying my brother stuff for school. haha my mom is sweet i love her =)

last wednesday i went to brendan's for a crab fiesta. an ambulance and a brush fire truck came to his house because his neighbor thought his chiminea was a brush fire. that night we also bid farewell to colin for he left for school early thursday morning, and i saw office space for the first time. paul should be proud of me.

saturday i went to my cousins house for a party for all the august birthdays. good times were spent in the pool and drinking more alcohol. saturday night brendan and i went to seaside. we visited our new best friend at the surf shop and i bought two mexican blankets for $15! awesome deal right?!?

today i worked and my hate for staples and isaac grew deeper. mr. mole man needs to get out of my face.

SECTION 1 ABOUT YOURSELF:
+ Known As: kate
+ Age: 19
+ Lives In: new jerseyyy
+ Birthday: july 16, 1986 haha i almost put 1968 sweet.
+ School: brookdale
+ Ethnicity: irish, german, polish, english.
+ Religion: catholic
+ Shoe Size: 6
+ Hair Color: brown
+ Eye Color: brown
+ Style: um i don't know whatever.
+ Fears: dying.

SECTION 2 HAVE YOU EVER...
+ Cheated on someone? no.
+ Fallen off the bed? probably.
+ Fallen for a relative? lol what? no!
+ Broke someone`s heart? yeah.
+ Had your heart broken? yes.
+ Had a dream come true? i don't know, maybe?
+ Done something you regret? yes.
+ Cheated on a test? yes.

SECTION 3 CURRENTLY...

+ Wearing? bob dylan shirt and black pants.
+ Listening to? the allman brothers.
+ Chatting with? i was chatting with brendan but he went to sleep.
+ Watching? the cosby show is on nick at nite but i'm not watching it.
+ Should REALLY be doing? probably sleeping.

SECTION 4 DO YOU...

+ Brush your teeth? yes of course.
+ Like anybody? hmm i think so. but it's NOT kevin.
+ Have any piercing? yeah but they're probably all closed.
+ Drive? yes.
+ Drink? yes.
+ Smoke? not cigarettes.
+ Got a cellphone? yes.
+ Got a pager? i used to have one in like eigth grade.

SECTION 5 FRIENDS...
+ Who is your best? cristy is still my best.
+ Who do I hate? no one. peace and love all around.
+ Who is the shyest? um i don't know me i guess.
+ Who is the most talkative? i don't know.
+ Who is the cutest? kevin.
+ Who laughs the most? me.
+ Who have you known the longest? erica.
+ Who have you known the shortest? hmm i don't know!
+ Who do you miss the most? all my boys.
+ Who do you turn to for personal problems? no one.
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex? all the time.
+ Do you trust your friends? some of them.
+ Are you a good friend? i think i am.
+ Can you keep a secret? yes.

SECTION 6 THE LAST PERSON YOU...
+ Hugged? my mom.
+ Kissed? jesse.
+ IMed? brendan
+ Talked to on the phone? brendan i think.. saturday hahaha.
+ Yelled at? my dad i think.
+ Fell in love with? no one.

SECTION 7 PERSONAL...
+ What do you want to be when you grow up? i don't know. i just hope i can afford to live.
+ What has been the best day of your life? i don't think it's come yet.
+ What comes first in your life? friends and music.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? a crush i think.
+ What are you most scared of? dying.
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? whatever's on my mind at the time.
+ Did you lose someone you really loved? yes =( i miss you grandma.
+ How many times have you fallen deeply in love? none.
+ Love your family? yes.
+ Love your friends? all of them. even ones i haven't talked to in a while.

SECTION 8 FAVORITE...
+ Movie: almost famous.
+ Song: shooting star by bob dylan.
+ Group: tom petty and the heartbreakers i guess.
+ Store: i don't know i guess ae.
+ Relative: grandma! no doubt. but if only the living count, then my uncle munker.
+ Sport: baseball.
+ Ice Cream Flavor: double fudge chocolate brownie.
+ Fruit: watermelon!
+ Candy: reese's peanut butter cups.
+ Holiday: christmas.
+ Day of the Week: umm i don't know i guess saturday.
+ Time: i don't know.
+ Color: lime green.
+ Name for a Girl: scarlett or corrina
+ Name for a Boy: jakob or liam
+ Quote: "a lot of time you just have to go down many roads to get where you are going... the important thing is to keep moving." - bob dylan.

SECTION 9 DO YOU...
+ Like to give hugs? yes.
+ Like to give kisses? yes.
+ Like to walk in the rain? running is better.
+ Prefer black or blue pens? black. i hate blue pens.
+ Like to travel? yes i love road trips.
+ Sleep on your side, tummy or back? side.
+ Think you're attractive? sometimes.
+ Have a goldfish? no.
+ Ever have the falling dream? yes.
+ Have stuffed animals? they're in the attic i think.

i cut this short haha.

it's my brother's birthday today, as in tuesday 8/23!

i love camping.

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 03:47:18 GMT

camping was so much fun. i already miss my boys and it's only been a little over a day since i've seen them. and with that being said, i think i have a new crush.

you know you only used to get juiced in it.

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 05:32:00 GMT

so i have recently (and by recently i mean today) rekindled my love for bob dylan all over again by listening to songs and albums i haven't listened to in a long time. world gone wrong is such an amazing album and i love it.

see, he's singing about me.. "well i got a woman five feet short
she yells and hollers and screams and snorts
she tickles my nose pats me on the head
pulls me over and kicks me out of bed.
she's a man eater, meat grinder, bad loser."

while i've rekindled my dylan flame, i've pretty much blown out another one for someone else. it's over for real this time folks. next time i talk to him/see him i will not get sucked into the trap.

yesterday was my day off so i slept late and went out to dinner with my parents to a sweet italian restaurant on 35. afterward i got a call from alex bussey and him and julian came to pick me up. we went to ruby's to visit dan and paul and workout with arnold? the night consisted of diaper scents (?), arnold's workout book, "this is my mom," julian farting constantlyyy, "did you feel that through the seat?", driving down rt. 9 for no apparent reason, the park, manalapan diner, MEAN big john studd, honey smacks and golden crisps, the golden crisp bear.. on drugs, alex making the FUNNIEST most priceless face ever which paul got a picture of on my phone.

today i worked 4-10 and i had to watch a video on copy center and up-selling or some shit but isaac made me go back to copy center (thank god) before i fell asleep. i made the mistake of telling him it was telling me stuff i already knew so he made me take the test, which i didn't finish either. i'm probably going to fail but who cares WHO HAS TO TAKE A TEST AT WORK?!? for real.

i leave tomorrow to go camping with my boys. i can't wait. i hope it's just as good as last year, or better. i come back wednesday. bye.